Lawyer Jokes
Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.
Q: What is the legal definition of “Appeal”?
A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator
Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
A: It comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.
Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A: Jewelry.
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
Q: What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants?
A: At least accountants know they’re boring.
Stories:
1. A man who had been caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, "Don’t worry. You’ll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.
2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."
3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hears someone coming to the door. To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, "I demand one million and not a penny less." As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, "I'm here to hook up your phone."
And finally:
You Might Be A Lawyer If.... You are charging someone to read these jokes.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
How's Your Sense of Humor?
Another study conducted by Miller, this one of 300 people, found that people with heart disease "responded less humorously to everyday life situations." Not only did they laugh less, even when the situation was positive, but they also showed more signs of anger and hostility.
"The ability to laugh -- either naturally or as learned behavior -- may have important implications in societies such as the U.S. where heart disease remains the number one killer," says Miller. "We know that exercising, not smoking, and eating foods low in saturated fat will reduce the risk of heart disease. Perhaps regular, hearty laughter should be added to the list ... The recommendation for a healthy heart may one day be exercise, eat right and laugh a few times a day."
Other studies have found that laughing is not only good for your heart; it may help boost the immune system and reduce inflammation in the body, which is linked to a variety of diseases.
Now on to the Laughing
Not to dampen the mood, but most of us could use some help in this area. "Children laugh approximately 80 to 100 times per day. By the time we reach adulthood, we laugh only 5-6 times per day. You only need to watch children to appreciate the relationship between humor and enjoying life. Children will laugh at anything! If you ask them, "what's so funny," they may say something like, "he looked at me!" says Barbara Bartlein, R.N., M.S.W., a motivational speaker and consultant.
Adults, on the other hand, feel they need a reason to laugh before doing so. Here, then, are 10 of them to get you started in honor of the upcoming holiday.
1. If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their AGE
2. A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get-together.
"Well, I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!"
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
"I don't know," said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"
3. What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, hubble, hubble.
4. A woman was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" What did the stock boy say?
No, Ma'am. They're already dead.
5. Five Ways to Liven up Thanksgiving Dinner
Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.
When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught," and refuse to say anything more.
Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.
Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.
During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was past expiration date. You were worried for nothing."
6. Top 10 Signs You've Eaten Too Much at Thanksgiving Dinner (From David Letterman's Top 10 Lists)
Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.
Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.
You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.
Right this minute you're laughing up pie on the carpet.
You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.
World's fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to "back off!"
CBS tells you to lose weight or else.
Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.
Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.
You're sweatin' gravy.
7. Thanksgiving in the UK
A few years ago, an American and a British journalist were discussing Thanksgiving on a British radio program. The American asked if Thanksgiving was celebrated in the UK.
"Yes," the British journalist replied, "but we celebrate it on the 6th of September."
"Why then?"
"That's when you chaps left."
8. Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
9. What is your favorite thing to make for Thanksgiving dinner?
Reservations!
10. Twas the Night of Thanksgiving
Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned -- the dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation ...
The thought of a snack became infatuation ...
So I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground!
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky ...
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees ...
Happy eating to all ... pass the cranberries, please!
"The ability to laugh -- either naturally or as learned behavior -- may have important implications in societies such as the U.S. where heart disease remains the number one killer," says Miller. "We know that exercising, not smoking, and eating foods low in saturated fat will reduce the risk of heart disease. Perhaps regular, hearty laughter should be added to the list ... The recommendation for a healthy heart may one day be exercise, eat right and laugh a few times a day."
Other studies have found that laughing is not only good for your heart; it may help boost the immune system and reduce inflammation in the body, which is linked to a variety of diseases.
Now on to the Laughing
Not to dampen the mood, but most of us could use some help in this area. "Children laugh approximately 80 to 100 times per day. By the time we reach adulthood, we laugh only 5-6 times per day. You only need to watch children to appreciate the relationship between humor and enjoying life. Children will laugh at anything! If you ask them, "what's so funny," they may say something like, "he looked at me!" says Barbara Bartlein, R.N., M.S.W., a motivational speaker and consultant.
Adults, on the other hand, feel they need a reason to laugh before doing so. Here, then, are 10 of them to get you started in honor of the upcoming holiday.
1. If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their AGE
2. A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get-together.
"Well, I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!"
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
"I don't know," said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"
3. What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, hubble, hubble.
4. A woman was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" What did the stock boy say?
No, Ma'am. They're already dead.
5. Five Ways to Liven up Thanksgiving Dinner
Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.
When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught," and refuse to say anything more.
Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.
Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.
During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was past expiration date. You were worried for nothing."
6. Top 10 Signs You've Eaten Too Much at Thanksgiving Dinner (From David Letterman's Top 10 Lists)
Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.
Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.
You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.
Right this minute you're laughing up pie on the carpet.
You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.
World's fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to "back off!"
CBS tells you to lose weight or else.
Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.
Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.
You're sweatin' gravy.
7. Thanksgiving in the UK
A few years ago, an American and a British journalist were discussing Thanksgiving on a British radio program. The American asked if Thanksgiving was celebrated in the UK.
"Yes," the British journalist replied, "but we celebrate it on the 6th of September."
"Why then?"
"That's when you chaps left."
8. Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
9. What is your favorite thing to make for Thanksgiving dinner?
Reservations!
10. Twas the Night of Thanksgiving
Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned -- the dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation ...
The thought of a snack became infatuation ...
So I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground!
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky ...
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees ...
Happy eating to all ... pass the cranberries, please!
Why Humor Is Therapeutic
Why Humor Is Therapeutic (Plus 10 Clean Jokes To Heal Everyone At The Thanksgiving Table)
Want an easy and genuinely fun way to feel great and gain real health benefits? Laugh. Laugh until your belly shakes. Laugh until it hurts. Have a good laugh as often as you can.
We all know that stress, anger, sadness, guilt and other negative emotions can take a toll on our health. Laughter, as it turns out, has the opposite effect, and it seems the old proverb "a merry heart doeth good like a medicine," was right all along.
"We believe laughing is good for your health," said Michael Miller of the University of Maryland School of Medicine in Baltimore. "And we think we have evidence to show why that's the case."
A "Ha-Ha-Ha" = A Happy Heart
Miller and colleagues examined the connection between blood vessels' ability to expand (vasodilation) and laughter. If vasodilation is poor, it can increase your risk of heart attack and stroke. The study involved 20 adults who watched clips of a violent movie and a humorous movie and had their vasodilation tested. They found that:
Blood flow was significantly reduced (by about 35 percent) in 14 of the 20 volunteers who saw the stressful film.
Blood flow significantly increased (by 22 percent) in 19 of the 20 volunteers after watching the funny movie.
What's more, researchers said the improvement in blood flow experienced by most all participants after laughter was equal to the improvements seen after a 15- or 30-minute workout!
"Laughter is not dissimilar from exercise," said Lee Berk, an associate professor of health promotion and education who studies laughter at Loma Linda University in California. "It's not going to cure someone from stage three cancer, but in terms of prevention it does make sense. In a sense, we have our own apothecary on our shoulders. Positive emotions such as laughter affect your biology."
Want an easy and genuinely fun way to feel great and gain real health benefits? Laugh. Laugh until your belly shakes. Laugh until it hurts. Have a good laugh as often as you can.
We all know that stress, anger, sadness, guilt and other negative emotions can take a toll on our health. Laughter, as it turns out, has the opposite effect, and it seems the old proverb "a merry heart doeth good like a medicine," was right all along.
"We believe laughing is good for your health," said Michael Miller of the University of Maryland School of Medicine in Baltimore. "And we think we have evidence to show why that's the case."
A "Ha-Ha-Ha" = A Happy Heart
Miller and colleagues examined the connection between blood vessels' ability to expand (vasodilation) and laughter. If vasodilation is poor, it can increase your risk of heart attack and stroke. The study involved 20 adults who watched clips of a violent movie and a humorous movie and had their vasodilation tested. They found that:
Blood flow was significantly reduced (by about 35 percent) in 14 of the 20 volunteers who saw the stressful film.
Blood flow significantly increased (by 22 percent) in 19 of the 20 volunteers after watching the funny movie.
What's more, researchers said the improvement in blood flow experienced by most all participants after laughter was equal to the improvements seen after a 15- or 30-minute workout!
"Laughter is not dissimilar from exercise," said Lee Berk, an associate professor of health promotion and education who studies laughter at Loma Linda University in California. "It's not going to cure someone from stage three cancer, but in terms of prevention it does make sense. In a sense, we have our own apothecary on our shoulders. Positive emotions such as laughter affect your biology."
Great Practical Jokes To Play On Your Friends
Do you have a friend who just “needs” a practical joke played on them? Well, I might be able to help you. These are original jokes, meaning that they have been played on or by me or my friends.
Please do remember to be prudent and careful in playing these jokes on people, as you don't want to hurt anyone.
1 – The fish at the beach
I have discovered that some people have a revulsion to fish. I have also discovered that these people can also react very humorously to being confronted with a fish.
So, here's the deal – get a fish, complete with it's head. You can buy one at a seafood store. Wait until your friend is digging in the sand or reading a book. They key is to wait until they are focused on something with their head close to the sand.
Now is your time to strike. Take the fish and toss it right under their nose (don't say anything). Enjoy!
2 – The water bottle while camping
While camping is another great time to play practical jokes. This one is easy. While your friend is not watching, take their water bottle and put something nasty in it, like garlic powder. Then wait til they drink it for some hilarious results. Note: it's only fair to play this joke if you have water to replace the water you messed up. It's no fun to go hiking with no water.
3 – The rock while camping
This is a classic joke, but always good. While your buddy is occupied elsewhere, put a rock in the bottom of their pack. You won't get to see their reaction, but you'll probably hear from them when they get home and find that the hauled a rock down the mountain!
So be considerate, safe, and have fun!
Please do remember to be prudent and careful in playing these jokes on people, as you don't want to hurt anyone.
1 – The fish at the beach
I have discovered that some people have a revulsion to fish. I have also discovered that these people can also react very humorously to being confronted with a fish.
So, here's the deal – get a fish, complete with it's head. You can buy one at a seafood store. Wait until your friend is digging in the sand or reading a book. They key is to wait until they are focused on something with their head close to the sand.
Now is your time to strike. Take the fish and toss it right under their nose (don't say anything). Enjoy!
2 – The water bottle while camping
While camping is another great time to play practical jokes. This one is easy. While your friend is not watching, take their water bottle and put something nasty in it, like garlic powder. Then wait til they drink it for some hilarious results. Note: it's only fair to play this joke if you have water to replace the water you messed up. It's no fun to go hiking with no water.
3 – The rock while camping
This is a classic joke, but always good. While your buddy is occupied elsewhere, put a rock in the bottom of their pack. You won't get to see their reaction, but you'll probably hear from them when they get home and find that the hauled a rock down the mountain!
So be considerate, safe, and have fun!
Tax Quotes And Jokes For Tax Season
Like death, paying taxes is inevitable. In the case of most Americans, tax season is just around the corner. If only paying taxes was so easy.
As you begin pulling out those receipts, the eraser and reading plain English tax instructions that Einstein couldn’t figure out, you’re going to need a good laugh. Here you go:
1. I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is – I could be just as proud for half the money.
2. People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.
3. Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.
4. The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
5. Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.
6. A tax loophole is something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.
7. Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form.
8. What's the difference between a mosquito and an IRS agent? One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.
9. It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with a smile, but normally cash is required.
10. The government deficit is the difference between the amounts of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.
11. Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension
12. What Mae West said about sex is true about taxes. All tax cuts are good tax cuts; even bad tax cuts are good tax cuts,
13. The federal income tax system is a disgrace to the human race. - Jimmy Carter
If nothing else, it is good to know that a former President of the United States feels the same way about taxes as you. If only someone would agree to a flat tax, millions of Americans could dispense with the aggravation and stress of filing taxes each year.
As you begin pulling out those receipts, the eraser and reading plain English tax instructions that Einstein couldn’t figure out, you’re going to need a good laugh. Here you go:
1. I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is – I could be just as proud for half the money.
2. People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.
3. Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.
4. The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
5. Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.
6. A tax loophole is something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.
7. Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form.
8. What's the difference between a mosquito and an IRS agent? One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.
9. It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with a smile, but normally cash is required.
10. The government deficit is the difference between the amounts of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.
11. Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension
12. What Mae West said about sex is true about taxes. All tax cuts are good tax cuts; even bad tax cuts are good tax cuts,
13. The federal income tax system is a disgrace to the human race. - Jimmy Carter
If nothing else, it is good to know that a former President of the United States feels the same way about taxes as you. If only someone would agree to a flat tax, millions of Americans could dispense with the aggravation and stress of filing taxes each year.
Father's Day Jokes That Will Bring A Smile To Dad's Face!
What better way to give dad a great day than to make him smile. With some funny Father’s Day jokes, you can do just that. This sampling of Father’s Day jokes from all over the internet will surely tickle your father’s funny bone this Father’s Day.
One evening, while sitting around the dinner table, a little girl looked up and asked her father, “Daddy, you’re the boss, right?” Her father was very pleased by this and replied, “Yes.” Then, the little girl continued, “That’s because mommy put you in charge, right?”
Q. Do dads always snore?
A. No, only when they are asleep!
Top Ten Things You Will Never Hear A Dad Say
- Well, what do you know? I’m lost. We’ll have to stop and get some directions.
- Well, honey, you are thirteen now. I bet you’re ready for un-chaperoned car dates!
- I like all of your friends’ “Up Yours” attitudes.
- Here are the keys to my new car. Oh, take my credit card, too. Have fun!
- Football? You want to play football? What about figure skating, son?
- Mom and I are going away for the weekend. Would you like to throw a party?
- No, I don’t actually know what is wrong with your car.
- Son, let’s go to the mall and get you an earring.
- You don’t need a job! I have plenty of money for you to spend.
- Father’s Day? Don’t worry about that. It’s no big deal!
Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water?
But I’ve already given you ten!
I know, but the bedroom is still on fire!
Junior had just received his brand new driver’s license. To celebrate the special day, the whole family went out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his first official drive. Dad went immediately to the back seat, right behind the newly licensed driver.
“I’ll bet you are back there to get a change of scenery, right? After all these months of sitting up here, teaching me how to drive?” Junior said to his dad.
“Nope!” said dad. “I’m going to sit back here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me for sixteen years!”
Happy Father’s Day to all you dads!
One evening, while sitting around the dinner table, a little girl looked up and asked her father, “Daddy, you’re the boss, right?” Her father was very pleased by this and replied, “Yes.” Then, the little girl continued, “That’s because mommy put you in charge, right?”
Q. Do dads always snore?
A. No, only when they are asleep!
Top Ten Things You Will Never Hear A Dad Say
- Well, what do you know? I’m lost. We’ll have to stop and get some directions.
- Well, honey, you are thirteen now. I bet you’re ready for un-chaperoned car dates!
- I like all of your friends’ “Up Yours” attitudes.
- Here are the keys to my new car. Oh, take my credit card, too. Have fun!
- Football? You want to play football? What about figure skating, son?
- Mom and I are going away for the weekend. Would you like to throw a party?
- No, I don’t actually know what is wrong with your car.
- Son, let’s go to the mall and get you an earring.
- You don’t need a job! I have plenty of money for you to spend.
- Father’s Day? Don’t worry about that. It’s no big deal!
Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water?
But I’ve already given you ten!
I know, but the bedroom is still on fire!
Junior had just received his brand new driver’s license. To celebrate the special day, the whole family went out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his first official drive. Dad went immediately to the back seat, right behind the newly licensed driver.
“I’ll bet you are back there to get a change of scenery, right? After all these months of sitting up here, teaching me how to drive?” Junior said to his dad.
“Nope!” said dad. “I’m going to sit back here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me for sixteen years!”
Happy Father’s Day to all you dads!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Jokes - Do I Have To Be Funny To Tell Funny Jokes ?
Jokes jokes and more jokes means more laughs laughs laughs. Laughter is a sure sign of jolliness, happiness and enjoyment, so if telling jokes can create emotions and atmospheres as such then why is the whole world not telling more funny jokes at every opportunity
Even in the most miserable of mundane surroundings you can bet a bottom dollar if good jokes or gags are cracked then the atmosphere changes from gloomy into a jolly ambience.
If you are in charge of an entertainment plan for a wedding, birthday party or anniversary, then, for the celebration to be a success you will need a good script of funny jokes. Jokes are funnier if actions are applied. Remember, actions speak louder than words. If it is your choice to take the part of a stand up comedienne, then so be it. If you are afraid of making a fool of yourself on stage, then better still because the more you act the goat the laughter gets louder when the punch line is delivered.
To keep the air filled with laughter keep the jokes rolling. When telling jokes. clean or dirty, you have to bear in mind that not everyone shares the same sense of humour, meaning, seeing the funny side of things, so therefore do a little research on what you feel is appropriate for your guests. Clean jokes are just as funny as dirty jokes. People can also be easily offended and embarrassed at joke material - so this is why it is important to check out your audience first. Racist's jokes should be avoided, telling racist's jokes can be disastrous which is understandable with the world as it is today, where sadly we have more crying than laughing.
Okay back to planning what party jokes you tend to use and how to present them, once again remember, actions speak louder than words when telling jokes and so do costumes. Dressing up can have your onlooker now see your funny jokes as being hilarious. Choosing the right costume will make all the difference so be careful at this point because, no matter how funny your jokes are, your outfit can send out other signals. For example: Take coco the clown who we expect to throw buckets of water over people, topple and take tumbles, okay this is fine if you want to play funny pranks on people, however it is not often you see a stand up comedienne dressed as a clown unless telling kiddies jokes.
Comediennes are usually remembered for their jokes and how they dress. Drag queens like Lily Savage, Danny La Rue and Dame Edna Everage became famous for their false identities (opposite sex). Then we had Max Wall famous for his walk and Freddie Frinton for his role of a drunk on stage. These are just a few ideas, however the more unique you are under the spotlight may just keep you in the spotlight if you wish to make a career out of telling funny jokes.
If you selected different jokes like Irish jokes, Scottish jokes or even parrot jokes, then at your side have a case filled with assorted wigs or instruments to use; these will help make your hilarious jokes come to life.
Some people are naturally talented when telling jokes, however for those who are not and find they have been nominated to entertain need not fret. All you do is watch a video of how other entertainers perform when telling jokes. Duplicate the jesters actions by standing in front of the mirror and practice, who knows you may even laugh at yourself at this point.
If you want the event to be a success then audience participation is definitely the way forward for guaranteed laughs. When calling upon a guest to join you on stage to help out with a trick or you tend on them being on the brunt end of your joke, then you must select that person with carefully, meaning, "Can they take a joke".
Even in the most miserable of mundane surroundings you can bet a bottom dollar if good jokes or gags are cracked then the atmosphere changes from gloomy into a jolly ambience.
If you are in charge of an entertainment plan for a wedding, birthday party or anniversary, then, for the celebration to be a success you will need a good script of funny jokes. Jokes are funnier if actions are applied. Remember, actions speak louder than words. If it is your choice to take the part of a stand up comedienne, then so be it. If you are afraid of making a fool of yourself on stage, then better still because the more you act the goat the laughter gets louder when the punch line is delivered.
To keep the air filled with laughter keep the jokes rolling. When telling jokes. clean or dirty, you have to bear in mind that not everyone shares the same sense of humour, meaning, seeing the funny side of things, so therefore do a little research on what you feel is appropriate for your guests. Clean jokes are just as funny as dirty jokes. People can also be easily offended and embarrassed at joke material - so this is why it is important to check out your audience first. Racist's jokes should be avoided, telling racist's jokes can be disastrous which is understandable with the world as it is today, where sadly we have more crying than laughing.
Okay back to planning what party jokes you tend to use and how to present them, once again remember, actions speak louder than words when telling jokes and so do costumes. Dressing up can have your onlooker now see your funny jokes as being hilarious. Choosing the right costume will make all the difference so be careful at this point because, no matter how funny your jokes are, your outfit can send out other signals. For example: Take coco the clown who we expect to throw buckets of water over people, topple and take tumbles, okay this is fine if you want to play funny pranks on people, however it is not often you see a stand up comedienne dressed as a clown unless telling kiddies jokes.
Comediennes are usually remembered for their jokes and how they dress. Drag queens like Lily Savage, Danny La Rue and Dame Edna Everage became famous for their false identities (opposite sex). Then we had Max Wall famous for his walk and Freddie Frinton for his role of a drunk on stage. These are just a few ideas, however the more unique you are under the spotlight may just keep you in the spotlight if you wish to make a career out of telling funny jokes.
If you selected different jokes like Irish jokes, Scottish jokes or even parrot jokes, then at your side have a case filled with assorted wigs or instruments to use; these will help make your hilarious jokes come to life.
Some people are naturally talented when telling jokes, however for those who are not and find they have been nominated to entertain need not fret. All you do is watch a video of how other entertainers perform when telling jokes. Duplicate the jesters actions by standing in front of the mirror and practice, who knows you may even laugh at yourself at this point.
If you want the event to be a success then audience participation is definitely the way forward for guaranteed laughs. When calling upon a guest to join you on stage to help out with a trick or you tend on them being on the brunt end of your joke, then you must select that person with carefully, meaning, "Can they take a joke".
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